Battle.

It amazes me. How the one thing you've been longing for also is the one that brings you down.

Anxiety is eating me up from within at the thought of everything that can go wrong, in a place and situation where I can't wait to be!

Rational as well as irrational fears battling the sanity in my head.

This feeling. This constant companion. The fear.
That I'm losing a battle with my own mind.

Christmas

Oh happy holidays, joy to the world, merry Christmas and happiness and loveydovey crap and all that. 

Christmas. All about the gifts and the food and the indulging. Blowing up social media with the picture perfect life. 

The dysfunctional, socially awkward, non-traditional people gets labelled even more so than usual.

Everyone, expected to be happy and feel loved and connected. 

This time of year makes my anxiety sky rocket. The love I have for and from my friends and family doesn't keep me from feeling alone and forgotten. And I can't even imagine what people having it worse off than me are feeling. 

But. Consumerism and holiday cheer is all around. So i guess it's time to brush it off, suck it up and forget what Christmas is all about? 

I think not....